i haven't posted in a while *shrug* the world shant end.

it's been an interesting several months. i was out of town ever weekend in april except the one when i got into a car accident. *sigh* God is good all the time though. ive been having a hard time obeying Him lately though. learning to trust You is so much harder than it should be... it's so silly of me to wonder where i should go when stuff happens, when i know that You're telling me to fall on You.

"there is nowhere I can go even in the depths of the sea You're not too far away. When i wake, when i sleep, You are capturing me with a love that knows no end at all."

Disciple writes pretty truth. God is love, and He has no end. coming back to fall in love with Him again is kind of like learning how to drown... we are alive in Christ, so we must be dead to sin.

hmm... i read John 3 this morning (after missing 3 days of the Word >_<), and this passage really stuck out:

 "For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of
God. This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

right after the famous John 3:16, Jesus continues with these words. He wants to save our lives, yet we get scared and think He's only trying to judge us for our wrong. we forget that He's so in love with us, and He just asks that we believe in Him, for truly believing He is Who He says and does what He did/does renders you with no choice but to absolutely love Him. dont i look so dark next to Your Light? on our own, we're so far from what He is, but when we let Him live through us, aren't we the most radiant things ever? but yeah... that's some of the stuff God used to speak to my heart this morning... be in His light. *nod*

btw... i dont have an accountability person up here, and that's not very good for larissa. pray for me? k thanks. ^_^

so on the way home/back from Steve and Denise's wedding, the mountains were glorious. it was the first time id seen them radiating in verdance in the sunlight. the last time i had seen the mountains, they were dead, leafless forms, but this time, they were alive and so vibrant. the higher elevations didn't have their leaves in yet, so they looked so golden in the light. beautiful. the contrast just reminded me of how God can take death and make such life... everything melts away, and He just gives us "the most beautiful of days." the hills were gorgeous ^_^.

and yeah Steve and Denise are now Steve and Denise Foster. it's a beautiful thing. *nod* God can bring beauty out of any kind of pain, cant He?

long walks in the rain are an amazing wonder. i looked outside last night and saw how hard the rain was falling, and i just had to experience it myself. i got so wet! ^_^ at the beginning of my walk, i danced and ran and looked so silly but had such joy. then i regained my composure and thought about thinking. rain was once such a forum for my thought, but it just didn't happen, so i simply existed for a while. that was nice. as i began walking back, i noticed myself singing "Christ, be the center of our lives. be the place we fix our eyes. be the center of our lives... we lift our eyes to heaven. we wrap our lives around Your life. we lift our eyes to heaven to You." as i was lying on my pillow last night, i began to wonder just what those words mean. what is it for Christ to be the center of our lives? what is it for us to lift our eyes to Him or wrap our lives around His? i thought about it, and i realized that this song is about deeper concepts then our seemingly trite words can envelop. it has focus on  the only thing that really matters. if we're looking at Christ in every decision we make in every part of our days, He's the center. if our relationships are founded with Him as the focus, it changes the way we interact with one another (this includes people who dont have Him in the center as well). it changes the words we say, the things we do.... even our attitudes and hearts. if God's our center and focus, if everything's done with Him in mind, then He really can live through us. be my center, Lord and Friend.